On June 21, 2019, my sweet, goofy little boy, Samuel, turned 3 years old and we had a big celebration. We threw Samuel a beautiful birthday party surrounded by family and friends at a local farm. The kids played, fed the farm animals, went on pony and tractor rides, and ate pizza and cake. It was a day Samuel still remembers and talks about, he has such a bright mind for a 3-year-old. He has always been so bright, even as a baby, saying words like “tickle” at 10 months old. I’ve always called him Mr. Harvard, my big boy has always been so smart.
Samuel spent the summer days after his birthday at school, while Joe and I worked. He’s always loved school and we always have loved his teachers, they are truly beautiful humans. The summer was full of fun, water play, and outdoor activities. Weeks leading up to Samuel’s cancer diagnosis, I noticed he had been extremely tired. My initial thought was that he must have worn himself out at school playing in the sun. He started to come home with bruises on his legs and every time I’d ask him what happened he’d say he was pushed at school. Samuel then started to have a low-grade fever, I said to myself “man toddlers are always getting sick” and thought nothing of it. Then I worried more when he started telling me his stomach hurt, this was on and off for two weeks. I even asked his teachers if he had said anything at school but he hadn’t. So I chalked it up to constipation. At the time I had been packing for our first family trip to Disney World and had hoped Samuel’s “cold and constipation” would resolve by our planned trip on August 13th.
On August 6, 2019, Samuel’s teacher called me at work and told me that he just wasn’t acting himself. I left work early to pick him up and take him to the doctor. I thought maybe he needed antibiotics for his “cold” and wanted to make he got them before our trip. I took him to our pediatrician, whom I absolutely adore. I told her about the low-grade fever, the stomach aches, the bruising, and the overall tiredness. She gave him an exam, felt his belly, and then told me to go to the room next door for an abdominal x-ray. She said she’d call me later with the x-ray results. I left with an uneasy feeling. When we got home I started googling and my heart sunk…all the symptoms Samuel was experiencing sounded like leukemia. But no, no, no that’s just silly to even think that, remember don’t be “Dr. Google”, maybe it’s an infection, it’s got to be something else. Joe left for work that evening. I got both boys in the bathtub.
7 pm…the phone rings. Dr. Pola tells me that I needed to take Samuel to Advocate Children’s Hospital in Park Ridge. My heart sinks, she tells me that there is a specialist there she wants Samuel to see. She tells me the X-ray confirms his spleen is enlarged. I remember her saying “don’t worry just make sure you get to the hospital to get his spleen checked out and I’m going to call them and let them know you’re on your way.” Ok so my thought, there’s an infection in his spleen, that’s got to be it. That explains the low-grade fevers and the stomach aches right? I call a friend to come to watch Luke, and Joe met me at the hospital.
In the ER we are visited by many doctors over the next couple of hours, all asking us to tell them the same story over and over. Repeating all the symptoms. They keep asking me about the low-grade fever, the stomach aches, the bruising, and the overall tiredness. The low-grade fever, the stomach aches, the bruising, and the overall tiredness… low-grade fever, the stomach aches, the bruising, and the overall tiredness. My heart is sinking lower and lower, my thoughts are racing, yet everything felt like the world was slowing down…I utter in my head…” this isn’t normal…is this leukemia…was google right…why are they asking me the same thing…no, no no that couldn’t be…Samuel is big and healthy…”
12 am…I fell to my knees…the ER doctor has confirmed my worst nightmare. Did I really hear her say “I’m so sorry your son has CANCER.”?
Samuel failed induction and his risk category changed to Very High Risk, which meant stronger chemotherapy and longer hospital stays. Our struggle is that we do not have much family support. It’s mainly just us and help from one set of grandparents, who are older and grandpa is battling cancer himself. For parents of a child with cancer, all you want to know is will he live? Will he make it? Can he be cured? Will he live a long and healthy life? And when the doctor tells you they aren’t able to answer that question with 100% certainty it is the hardest thing to accept. There is so much heartache.
Samuel is STRONG, he is beautiful, smart, and a WARRIOR. Samuel was made for greatness and he will overcome. His smile lights up the room, he’s so sweet and always reminds us that he loves us.
Hope session by Jessie Hearn Photography | Facebook | Instagram