Luna had just had her third birthday when she was diagnosed with ALL. It was August 18th, 2022. There weren’t many telltale signs with Luna’s diagnosis. Looking back she did have a few fevers that came and went. Then one day we swam in our pool and she was limping but neither I nor her father had seen an injury. The next day she would not bear weight on her right leg and I rushed her to urgent care. She had several leg X-rays and the doctor there asked me if she was a “dramatic” child. We were told to follow up with our pediatrician the next day. Luna was all set to start preschool that day but instead, our pediatrician recommended we take her to the children’s hospital to be admitted. At this point, I still thought this was a leg or joint infection. Luna’s dad took her to the hospital because at the time I was still nursing our 8-month-old and we knew it was likely going to be an overnight visit. The next morning when I showed up with Luna’s siblings to the hospital they said oncology was coming to see us. It was like an out-of-body experience, but Luna’s MRI had shown a build-up of leukemic cells in her knee joint and they were causing osteonecrosis.
Luna has been through countless procedures. Because of high-risk cancer genetics and high levels of cancer in her spinal fluid at diagnosis, she is considered standard high-risk. That means more toxic chemotherapy and additional lumbar punctures. Writing can really never portray how traumatic these procedures are. Seeing your child be put to sleep and wheeled away is crippling emotionally and physically, but this has become “normal” for us. We have spent weeks separated during extended hospital stays. Anytime Luna gets a fever it is a life-threatening situation because of her port o cath and she must be taken to the ER. We even moved because our former home was so far from her treating hospital. Our lives have transformed completely. As her mother, it is hard to describe how difficult it is to not be able to protect her from this. It is like I am failing at what biologically I am meant to do, but I have had to make peace with walking her through this. As being there to hold her hand is really all any of us are able to do.
Luna has had to relearn to walk twice. She still has ongoing physical therapy and she takes chemotherapy every single day. There is no way to really account for the ways cancer has changed her life and the lives of her siblings. We were all forced to part ways with the life that could have been if she had never gotten Leukemia.
Luna is incredibly funny. She has a really unique personality and she just shines. I don’t know that she will ever understand how brave she has been forced to be. I’m incredibly sad that such pivotal years of her childhood have been marred by such a terrible disease but she is resilient beyond any hopes I could have. We are lucky to have her.
Hope session by Gayle Photography | Facebook | Instagram